Joe's Crabby Shack: Message to Michelle Obama

Monday, April 14, 2008

Message to Michelle Obama

RE: My pie, not yours

Dear Michelle Obama;

In response to your intention to cut into my pie in order to hand it over to those with less pie, I share with you words of my personal prophet and savior.

Obama: Meow?
Cartman: No, Obama, this is my pie.
Obama: Meow?
Cartman: No, Obama. Get back, Obama.
Obama: Meow?
Cartman: No, Obama, it's my pie.
Obama hisses at Cartman]
Cartman: Mom. Obama's being a dildo.
Cartman's Mom: Well, then, I know a certain Michelle Obama who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.
Cartman: What?

(Tip o' the sombrero to Breda, who also has some sound advice for the Commie Mommie. As does Sebastian.

CRABCABULARY

2A - Second Amendment to the United States Constitution.
APF - Asinine Political Form. When a politician cannot resist the urge to futz with perfectly good legislation because he or she "knows what's best for us common folk."
Ares - In Greek mythology, Ares is the son of Zeus (king of the gods) and Hera. Often incorrectly referred to as the Olympian god of war, he is more accurately the god of savage war, or bloodlust. He is the official mascot of The Shack's animal side.
AWB - The 1994 Assault Weapons Ban. This Klintinista-era gun law banned rifles with a certain number of "evil" features, such as bayonet lugs, flash hiders, removable magazine, pistol grips, etc. It also banned "high-capacity" magazines, limiting us to 10-round mags. The law went sunset in 2004.
Blogrades-in-arms - Fellow firearm-oriented blog writers. The term is a modernization of comrades-in-arms, but still maintains the same sense of connection via battle
CCW - Concealed Carry of Weapons.
Cloture - A procedural move to end debate and force a vote on the legislative floor. Used to end filibusters.
Crabcabulary - The jargon and terminology of The Shack
F3 - Female Freedom Fiends. The Second Amendment is equal opportunity and so is The Shack. Seeing as society's predators hunt women more often than men, F3s should be even more concerned about attacks on gun rights.
Filibuster - Never-ending debate designed to force other lawmakers to kill a measure as the only means to get work moving again.
Final Reading - The Nebraska Legislature requires a bill to pass three rounds of debate. Final reading is the third and final round of this process.
Freedom Fiends - A proud title bestowed upon those who are ceaseless in the protection, exercise, and active protection of our beloved Constitutional rights.
General File - The Nebraska Legislature requires a bill to pass three rounds of debate. General File is the first round of this process.
Germaneness Rule - A fairly new legislative rule that basically says any amendment must be germane or relevant to the topic of the bill. This prevents certain senators from trying to add "ban guns" amendments to bills on street repair.
Jeanne Combs - Former State Senator from Milligan. She as the author and main activist behind the passage of LB454, which enacted the Nebraska Concealed Handgun Act. She opted not to run for re-election in 2006, but Freedom Fiends are forever grateful to the nurse-turned-lawmaker.
Judiciary Commitee -- The standing committee in the Legislature that usually deals with firearms-related bills.
King Cobra - The self-appointed nickname of State Senator Ernie Chambers of Omaha. A master of the parlimentary rules and a worthy adversary of all things 2A. You either love him or hate him.
LB454 - The 2006 bill that became the Nebraska Concealed Handgun act.
LEOs - Law Enforcement Officers. The men and women of law enforcement, the vast majority of which are as pro-freedom as the next person. Unfortuantely, they are judged by the jack-booted few who stomp on the Second Amendment at every opportunity.
Master Bloomberg - New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Currently leading the charge to ban all firearms across the country. His movement has recruited a number of lefty, anti-gun mayors, including Omaha's Mayor Mike Fahey.
Mindless Masses - The common public who really have no opinion on firearms, only that which the media has told them to have. These are not bad people, just misinformed.
My Take - These posts are part of the opinion commentary available only to your lucky readers of The Shack
NPAT - National Political Aptitude Test. This is a survey conducted by the Vote Smart organization to gauge candidate's platforms on a variety of topics, including gun laws. www.votesmart.org
NRA - National Rifle Association. A political body dedicated to protecting the Second Amendment. Their annual election grades are used to gauge lawmakers' stances on gun owners' rights.
OODA Loop: A practical concept developed by Col. John Boyd of the USAF. Its main outline consists of four overlapping and interacting processes: Observe, Orient, Decide and Act.
POTUS - Cool, insider-wannabe speak for the President of the United States. Used by those who secretly want to be Jack Bauer.
Pre-Emption - A legislative measure that dictates that state law takes precedence over local ordinances.
Pretty-haired talking head - Broadcast news anchors, reporters, and their ilk. They may be clueless, but they have great coifs.
PSH -- "Pants Shitting Hysteria." A term coined by Says Uncle to describe the condition liberals get when panties get wadded over firearms, toy firearms, the word firearms, or anyone who has ever said "firearm."
Queen B - A Shack term used to describe Hilary Clinton. Unlike the leader of the hive, the "B" in this reference refers to another species altogether.
Select File - The Nebraska Legislature requires a bill to pass three rounds of debate. Select File is the second round of this process.
Sheeple - The spineless among us who would rather be told what to do, think, say, wear, eat, etc., rather than think for themselves. Sheep-like people.
Sheeple in Wolf's Clothing - An anti-gun bill disguised as a pro-gun bill. Must be read closely to determine the true intent
Shillary - N.Y. Sen. Hillary Clinton. The former first lady is one of the largest opponents to the Second Amendment. Her hubby championed the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban when he was president. Also known as the Queen B.
Speaker of the Senate - The top dog of the Nebraska Legislature. He or she dictates the schedule, sets the agenda, and sets the priority bills.
State Po-Po -- The Nebraska State Patrol. This is the agency charged with dictating the rules and regs for carry, as well as processing and approving instructor and CCW applications. They also wear funny hats.
Sweet Seat - A seat in the U.S. Senate. This is the most coveted political seat as senators serve the longest term (6 years) and incumbents have a huge advantage come re-election.
The Shack - How cool people and Freedom Fiends refer to this blog.
Usual Politico Disclaimer (UPD) - This the law of nature that states: A politician can never be trusted until they are officially on the record. Only then can we determine where the politician in question may vote in the future.

Joe's Crabby Shack

Monday, April 14, 2008

Message to Michelle Obama

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